You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
