Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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