whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
