i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Actions speak louder than pants.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
