Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize