Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Houston, we have a blender
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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