literally had 100 drinks last night.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
