the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
