Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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