I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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