Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
