It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
There's always time for handjobs
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
