so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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