There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We left the knife in your bed.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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