i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
