OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
