there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
