yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
