He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
