I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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