apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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