i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just want nice things and good sex
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You ruined the universe
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
