if i can run in heels then i can drive
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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