Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
