Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
