Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
