Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
