You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
It's Friday. Sex?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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