awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My day in three words: secret purse cake
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
