you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
