you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
