Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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