He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
