is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize