so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
