I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
