Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
They have beer where we have blood.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
