you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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