i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
