walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
