Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
this will be a night to untag.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
