I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize