he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Randomize
