UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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