I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
