If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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