His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
