She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
sarcasm needs its own font
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
