so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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