Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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