Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize