girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
