i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
