My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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