dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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