two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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