okay pat passed out under dana's car
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
