I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
